Alittle on Amberly...

Today, I was reading all my friends blogs and actually realized I forgot I had one. Its been awhile since I've done some blogging. I guess that my life has been pretty stable and haven't had the need to vent, but we will move on.

Sitting here at my desk doing absolutely nothing (yes as normal) I got bored. Decided to look through the web. Didn't find much there I cared for. I logged onto Myspace and was just looking at different peoples profile. I came across a man who had twin boys. They were preemies. I think they both weighed about 4lbs being born. I looked at those little boys and it took me back to the place of two and half years ago..

Amberly, now 2 almost 3, was born at 29 weeks. Weighing 3lbs and 5 oz, barely the length of a size 5 shoe (womens), defeated all odds of survival. That was only by Gods wonderful grace! I'll give you alittle background on this story and get to the reasoning behind this miracle.

October 31, 2005 I was hospitalized with "placenta previa". Go google that, because I really have no idea as to what that is. All I know is you bleed, bleed alot!! Back to the story. As a result of the hospitalization, I was put on permanent bed rest. The only things I could do where : sleep, lay, eat, and shower (on occasion). No church, no Walmart, no outings of any sort. I didn't really follow all of those... Sometimes I got out and went to Walmart... I rode those nifty little carts. Despite bed rest, things didn't get any better. It all just got worse. I kept bleeding.

On November 22, 2005 at approximately 6 pm, I was rushed to the ER. I had bled so much I was almost incoherent. I couldn't breathe, I was cold, and felt as though I was dying. Truth is, we both were.. I was immediatley taken to the labor and delievery floor. The doctors noticed my water had broke and there wasn't much hope left. Dr. Purvas told Justin and I that my sweet little girl would be rushed to Huntsville Hospital, where she may not survive. We also found out that without a blood transfusion, I may also die. They had some difficulties in my transfusion and that lead to the refusual of the doctor to let Justin in the surgery room. There was a good chance that I wouldn't make it,however, there was not way I could deliever the baby normal, so we had a C-section... Because of some transfusion problems, they put me to sleep. The last thing I remember from that was just pleading with God to let me survive for my babies' sake. I had little McKinley to get home to too.

It took approximately 5 mins to deliever little Amberly. I don't even remember seeing her before they sent her to Huntsville. There in Huntsville she was given an IV through her forehead, was put on oxygen, and had a feeding tube. Within 24 hours, pur prayers had been heard. Amberly was taken off the oxygen, in which that was a miracle in its self. Within the 48 hours, the IV was taken out. All she had left was her feeding tube. After 3 days, I finally got to see my beautiful baby girl. She was perfect. The doctors and nurses told me not to get too attached or even hopeful. They said she had a little chance, but that is rarely seen.... Well, God knew he had something planned for this child. She lacked 2 days being in the hospital one month. That is a miracle! We brought her hime 5 days before Chirstmas.... They didn't believe she would ever come home, but myself, family, and friends prayed and she did.

I tell you all this story because I've heard over the past few weeks of cases where these precious little babies didn't come home. I think of how lucky I am to get to watch Amberly grow. She is more beautiful than I could ever imagine. Her smile lights up my life and till the day I die, she will know that God has a plan for her. He is such a wonderful God to hear my prayers and bring my girl home... Those small little days are now gone. She is full of life and adventure, but it makes me happy to know that those days are gone because shes here. Shes experiencing life. That's what makes me happy!

Is HE the ONE?

This was sent to me via email by my best friend.. Thought it had some good points so I posted it!


Is HE the ONE?"THE RIGHT ONE"First we must allow our Heavenly Father to do the picking. And second,the decision for a mate must be made on a spiritual and intellectualbasis before it's made on an emotional one."What about love? Shouldn't that be the third? you ask. No, and I'lltell you why. "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure.Who can understand it? (Jeremiah 17:9).The heart is willful and is driven by its own agenda. It does notconsider things rationally and intelligently it just loves to love!Therefore you have to point it in the right direction: "Above all else,guard your heart, for it is the well spring of life" (Proverbs 4:23)!Whenever you meet a man, you need to get clearance from God, check outhis attributes, and then allow your heart to engage.Dating exists not for mating; it exists for collecting data. I believethat the biblical design would be friendship, courtship and thenmarriage.Friendship is two people walking together in agreement andaccountability, learning and growing together.Courtship follows the mutual agreement to commit to one anotherexclusively - it is the decisive turning toward the agreed-upon g oal ofthe marriage altar. It is a period of laying a foundation and preparingyour life together after
marriage.But dating? Well, if you do date, use the time wisely to gather thesefacts.1. Check out the fabric. Is the person mate material? Does this manhave an intimate relationship with the Father through Jesus Christ? Doeshe care what God thinks about his behavior? Is he accountable to Godas well as another co-laborer in the faith? Accountability is animportant factor.It is imperative to maintaining a committed relationship. Is yourpotential spouse a member of the same family - the family of God?You need to have common interests and values and agree on theessentials of living day to day. You have a similar spiritual walk. You eatthe same spiritual diet. You enjoy a lot of similar things. You havelike interests, like goals in life , like opinions on basic life issues.You have had like experiences in your background. Though there is sometruth to the idiom that opposites attract, like-minded folks farebetter together.Furthermore, does he want to get married? If you want to be marriedand your dreamboat isn't interested , don't waste your time.Remember, women fall in love and get married. Men decide to getmarried and then look for a wife. Note the difference in order. So if a guysays he's not looking for anything serious, take his words seriously.If he's not going in your direction, get off the bus and wait for theright one.2. Does this man want you? Is he pursuing you? The man who is rightfor you will pursue you, and God's hand in the relationship will beclear. No guessing, no fleeces, no dead ends.Scripture says: "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receivesfavor from the Lord" (Proverbs 18:22).Note -who finds whom? THE MAN FINDS THE WIFE. From the beginning oftime, God has transported men and women across the world in order to putthem together.At the RIGHT TIME, He will bring that man on the scene and he willfind you. In God's per fect design, the man is the one who recognizes hismate.Adam had no problem recognizing that Eve was his missing rib. You donot need to strategically place yourself anywhere. You don't have tohelp a guy out because he's shy!Men will do whatever they have to do to get what they truly want. Theman in your life should recognize you as the pearl of great price inhis life and be willing to do whatever he must in order to gain yourhand. If he is passive about gaining your affections, take it as a signthat he is not
interested.Many a woman's mother has suggested that it is a good idea to marry aman who loves you more than you love him. As cold as that sounds, itactually might be scriptural if you stop to think about it: "We lovehim because he first loved u s" (1 John 4:19). Until then, take theultimate chill pill .You don't need a bunch of men in your life to make you feel all rightabout yourself.You need only one man - your man, the one God has selected to selectyou.And trust me, the right man at the wrong time can be just as awful asthe wrong man at any time. So trust God's timing in this. He is theultimate matchmaker. Rela x, sit pretty and allow yourself to be found.Again - WAIT until the man voices his intentions. He should take thelead in establishing the relationship. You may have an inkling that heis the one, but God will use the man to set the tone of therelationship. Allow him the opportunity to woo you - this is your first act ofsubmission. Jesus set the standard for all men to follow. They shouldlove us first. And they should lead the relationship.3. The man in your life should not desire to move into your house,only into your heart . A man who prepares for your future has made hisintentions clear. A man who is husband material has the means to takecare of a wife. He is a responsible human being who understands he needsto have something to offer. In short, a man should have the means tobe a suitable lover for you.4. Check out his buddies. Everyone knows birds of the same featherflock together, yet most women fail to see the connection between a manand his friends. A man's pals tell you a lot about the person that youhaven't seen yet. They reveal things about the guy's character thatmight be hidden when he is on good behavior. Everyone knows how to puthis best foot forward. Don't stay focused on the foot, check out therest of the body!5. Check out his relationship with his mother. How does he treat her?This is your preview of how he will treat you. There are lots of menwho, because of a negative relationship with their mothers, reallydon't like women, yet say they do. Unresolved issues between mother andson continue between husband and
wife.6. Remember that a man's family reveals the cloth from which he's cut.Take note and decide whether you want your future with the man in your<> life to look like his present family situation.7. Check out the patterns of his life. Do you see repeated cycles ofdrama in his personal kingdom? Broken relationships? Problems in makingcommitments --including the job market? Mood swings? Is a problemalways someone else's fault? Does he embrace responsibility or shirk it?Does he keep his promises? Is he a man of good reputation? Rememberall garments look wonderful hanging in the store, but with wear, somebegin to unravel.Give yourself time and space to check out the man in your life. Timewill always reveal whether or not he is made of the right stuff.8. Does this man have a vision for his life? Is he running with that& nbsp;vision? Remember, God decided Adam needed help once Adam got busy DOING his assignment. As we saw Adam, a man doesn't need help until he isbusy doing what he was created and called to do. Is the man in yourlife guided by sense of destiny and purpose, or does he just allow lifeto happen around him? A man who is not certain of his mission can be amost miserable person - and you'll be miserable too if you don't knowwhere YOU want to go in life.A man who has vision is not intimidated by a woman whose missionstatement is clear. He will be your best ally, cheerleader and assistantbecause he wants you both to make it! A man who cannot be supportive ofyour achievements because he is floundering in a sea of uncertaintyover his own life is not a healthy partner to have and to hold forever.Creating dependencies or feelings of obligation is not the way to getthe best out of your man. Somewhere along the way, he will resent youand flee from the smothering burden of obligation he associates youwith. You want a man who is firmly anchored in his identity in Christ.Remember, we are looking for a man who will be priest and leader of hishome. His first instinct should be to want to cover you, redeem you,and provide for
you.Your job is to decide if this is the man God has ordained for you tocomplement.9. Complimentary. Do your talents and gifts complement his? Do hisgifts, compliment yours? What about your temperaments? Do you see the twoof you as an effective team capable of bringing blessing to the livesof those around you? Do your futures mesh? Can you coordinate yourgifts in an attractive and effective way?This is why knowing your purpose is so important. Make sure yourhearts beat for mutual causes. When I go shopping I always consider thefabric, the fit and what I already have in my closet. Will my nextpurchase be a complimentary addition to what I already have? If I find thatI am going to have to buy shoes and matching accessories to go with anew outfit, I leave it right on the rack. It is too expensive aproposition. If the man you meet makes you feel that you need to completelyreinvent yourself, something is wrong.This is where I ask you to consider the relationship in terms of cost.Is this relationship expens ive spiritually, emotional or physically?Does your longing for a mate make you willing to forfeit who you arein the process? Or does he see you as the gift that you are? The manin your life should consider you a rare find, a priceless jewel-becauseof you he is getting ready to get blessed big-time! Any relationshipthat causes you to feel unworthy, unlovely, unacceptable, undesirableor that you have to work for love, is too expensive!God has called the man to cover, protect and provide not onlymaterially for a woman, but emotionally and spiritually as well. You should bericher in mind, body and spirit for your union with the man of yourdreams. The man in your life should make rich deposi ts into your heartand spirit, not withdrawals.10. Does he have a healthy love and acceptance of himself? Make surethe man in your life has taken time to heal from past relationships andhas made peace with himself. How he cares for himself is how he willcare for you. A man's relationship with God is crucial here. His lovefor himself will only be as strong as his love for God. This is notsomething that you can impart. You cannot be his savior or
teacher.That is out of spiritual order. In his rightful place as your personalpriest, he should be leading you to a richer relationship with Christ.If he is causing you to compromise your faith and destabilize yourwalk, if he is leading you into sexual sin or causing you to bedistracted from your commitm ent to God, the relationship is too expensive.Offending the Lover of your soul, who promises you eternal love, is toohigh a fare to pay for a ride that has a limited run. If you and yourman can't soar in the Spirit, when the force of your love for another istested by the pull or gravity of the world, your union will not beable to survive.So you decide. How much is your life worth? How much is your loveworth?You will be able to accept only what you believe you deserve. Godhimself calculated the worth of your love and decided it was worth Hislife. He now pledges you His love for eternity. Yes, Jesus sets theexample for all others to follow when He paid a ransom for His bride.Should you expect less from a mortal man? Throughout the Biblical age, menwere willing to pay the cost for what they truly desir ed. The truth ofthe matter is everyone knows that anything worth having, costs and noone gets a ride in this life for free.Our prayer:Dear Heavenly Father God,I confess that I have not always been as careful as I should've beenwith my heart. From time to time, my desire for love has caused me toleave my heart in the wrong hands. I now commit my heart into Yourhands for safekeeping. Please help me to stop being so impulsive with whatyou deem so precious. As I learn to celebrate Your love for me, letme learn from Your example what a bridegroom should really be like.Help me to never settle for less than what you desire for me. As Iembrace You as the Lover of my soul, keep my affections in the haven of Yourown heart. As I rest in Your love, make me more discriminating of those who approach me.I ask that You take over this area of my life. Keep me from those Youknow would hurt my heart. I invite You to set a hedge around me andkeep me from all who would draw me into unfruitful relationships untilthe day you present me to the mate that You have selected for me. Grantme the discernment to recognize him as he recognizes me. Cleanse mefrom the temptation to typecast the men I meet according to what I
see.Help me to trust in Your knowledge and lean not on my own understanding. I know that You know what is best for me; therefore I yield toYour choice. In Jesus'Name. Amen.Ladies this is something you should definitely share with a friend,whether you are single or married... It is something to think about,When you ask is "He" the one!"the most exhausting thing in life is being insincere"Wounds from a friend are better than many kisses from an enemy. Proverbs 27: 6 Value the heartfelt criticism of a true friend."When wealth is lost, nothing is lost, when health is lost, something is lost, when character is lost, ALL is lost"A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man should have to seek Him first to find her."Find a place to be quiet enough to hear what's inside you!!!

Life as a traveling, working mother..

Just alittle update on the girls and I. Many ask me how my drive to work everyday is going. My answer to them is that I love it. I have an hour and a half to sing, cry, laugh, think, talk on the phone and just get lost in the beauty of the creations, all by myself. No one screaming at me wanting to talk on the phone. No one crying in the background. No one asking me what's wrong. Just me! Oh and the many state troopers on the side of the road.

Yesteday, I got a ticket for speeding. Surprise! I was coming down a hill in Blount Springs when I saw the trooper car. Looked down and was going over 80, lets just say. I automatically pulled over and waited a good minute on the man... You know I respect cops and troopers because they keep my family and others safe, but I often wonder if some of them are just flat out stupid. I mean some of the questions he asked were "duh" questions. Like "do you know why I pulled you over?" "DUH, speeding!" Not only that but it takes 30 mins to write up a ticket. Come on! Put my name on a piece of paper and lets go!

So, on to the updates on the girls. They are doing great. Very cute, but mean. The cute comes from me, the mean would be there daddy! LOL! Ok so yes they are clones of me

McKinley- I will register here for Pre-K next month. I cant believe that she will be four this summer! She's about to be in school. Wow! Time flies, but I'm excited. This is what I've been waiting for. All the new adventures! Miss the quietness of babies, but love the independent part of kids!

Amberly- She will be 3 this year and it seems as though yesterday she weighed 4 lbs and in the NICU. Kayla and I were talking the other day and the time has flown by so fast that I can't remember her being little and at home. I remember the hospital, bringing her home, and that Christmas, but that's it. Time really does fly!

We are all great! Happy, staying busy and enjoying life. We truly can't be blessed more than we are now, however, I feel God has more instore for us! Can't wait!

Take it from me......

Don't hide your emotions.... As humans, we are prideful so therefore we do not want someone to know that they hurt us. Well, don't not put on a smile when you feel like crying. Don't laugh when you want to scream. Do what you feel. You will be better off in the end.....

Teen Retreat 2008

This past weekend, I had the oppertunity to lead worship at the Teen Retreat. I've been to this event many times, but never had the experience that I had this year. I'm gonna give you play by play. Some are actually quite funny:

Friday, Feb. 1st-

1:30pm- I met the worship team at the church to leave and head to Tishomingo, Ms early. Bobby (Bob Bob) as I like to call him, well didn't quite make the 1:30 deadline. I believe it was something like this: " Steak-Out was a bas idea" or/and the favorite of mine: " I got stuck behind this old guy who wanted to do like 3 mph and then got stuck behind the train"...... Needless to say, we left alittle late.

2:00pm- We get on the road. Rachel and I rode in my car. I drove naturally and thought I knew the way to Tishomingo State Park.........


3:30pm- Realized that I missed my turn and ended in Corinth, Ms....... Took almost 30mins to turn around in this small town.. Yes that's right! Everybody and their mommas were out in town.....

4:45pm- Rachel and I made it finally after some long disputes on whether we actually went 11 miles past the sign which read "Tishomingo State Parks 11 miles". Yeah well they were wrong! It's more like 15 miles!! In the meantime, I decided to pull over and ask a lady that worked at this convience store, how many more miles it was...... Lady: A very homely looking lady with no make up, an outdated hair cut and surrounded by men with no teeth. Conclusion: I don't fit in here! O and I'm still wondering where they get their hair cut......

5:30pm- We have already set up and had practice. Decide we are going to go eat at this little mom and pop restraunt...... Note: Read the analogy about the above woman and put in to play here....

7:30pm- Yes that's right! It took 2 hours to get food. Of course Bob Bob had to have the "inside meat" of the pork.

8:00pm- We've made it to worship and Bro. Walter (very attractive.. Sorry! Had to put it there) did an outstanding job and God started to touch hearts....

11:00pm- Forced to go to bed! Crazy!


Saturday, Feb. 2nd-

7:30am- Breakfast..... Is this the dirty peepants story or was that at lunch?


9:00am- Worship and Service- Praise God for sending such a Godly man to us. Conclusion: There is a war with in us..... A war between us and the world, the devil, and our flesh.... Solution: Jesus Christ!

10:00 am- Games: Here came the "Are you smarter than your Youth Pastor?" Well, lets just say it was kinda messy!

12:30pm- Lunch: Some very tasty food I might add.... Oh yes and the dirty peepants story thanks to David.

7:00pm- I skipped the hike..... This was Worship service and Praise God yet again. Worship went awesome and God really took it where he wanted it... Brother Walter preached and we had some Dramas.... Conclusion: One came to know Christ and many more were dealt with, even myself.

Well lets say about 10:30pm most of everybody left to go home. And that was about it..... God moved in that place and I thank God for that..

O wait! Sunday, Feb. 3rd, 2008- The vans get lost. Went to Tupelo, Ms and realized they were nowhere near Decatur, AL! Conclusion: Turn left instead of right onto Natez Trace.

No in all seriousness, I hated that it ended. We had a great time and I just hate to leave that little bubble but we all must. Continue to pray for all of us that we might seek our Lord better. It's time we take a stand. To all of you, I hope and pray you have a relationship with Christ. If not, now is the time. He loves you and is calling you. It's not gonna be easy, but at least you know that you know that you know.... God bless!


Note: Stay tune for pictures!!

Clarifications

Ok so I realize that most of you reading the last post have no clue as to what I am talking about, so he I am to clarify somethings.

My ex husband and I seperated in Nov. of 2006. I filed divorce papers. I was completely done with the marriage. I started dating a man who I had known for awhile prior. I know what many of you are thinking....... I was still married, right? Yes I was but only on paper I felt. This whole relationship was suppose to be casual fun, however, it took a different route. It lasted a year.

To make the story better: We work together, so there is your understanding of how difficult it is to see him move on. The break up has been alittle tough and rough around the edges, but we are getting there.

Note: It was a wonderful 1/2 relationship.... Not a full relationship bc of a few things.... Distance, work (shh... secret!), family, oh and the age thing..... I know what you are thinking. How can that be a wonderful relationship? Well, it was just nice to be wanted by someone, ok? Well we finally ended it in September, however, that hasn't worked well either. Now it is finally over, because there is no point anymore! I'm not bitter, nor hurt. Let's get that straight. I'm fine other than being lonely. As you can read in the last post, he has moved on and I haven't. Why? I don't have a clue. My emotional side says I "need" someone, but logic tells me otherwise.......

There's the scoop! Now you know.....

Ok I'll fess up!!

I'm gonna admit it! I'm alone! I feel alone! Sometimes alittle more alone than I would like to be. What do I do? NOTHING!! You'd think with two kids and a full time job that I wouldn't feel alone, well you are WRONG!! This isn't really meant for you to feel sorry for me, but it's just what is on my mind at the moment.

I had lunch today with the "wonderful" (a little sarcasm for those who love it) ex-boyfriend and I have to say that it went well. It was much different than dinners we use to have, of course. Apart of me is happy for him that he has moved on and that our break up doesn't bother him, however, majority of me wants to cry. I'm not upset anymore at the fact that we are over, but at the fact that I feel lonely. He doesn't, now and me being the woman that I am, is a little jealious. Not of her, because he will have issues with her too I imagine, but of him. I'm jealious that I can't have "someone" (not that I need anyone) to take my mind off things, or to fill some of the void of having absolutely no one.

Maybe I'm just rambling on but this is whats in my head and it's been in there for a few days now and I had to let it out! YAY! Ok I'm done......