Ok so I realize that most of you reading the last post have no clue as to what I am talking about, so he I am to clarify somethings.
My ex husband and I seperated in Nov. of 2006. I filed divorce papers. I was completely done with the marriage. I started dating a man who I had known for awhile prior. I know what many of you are thinking....... I was still married, right? Yes I was but only on paper I felt. This whole relationship was suppose to be casual fun, however, it took a different route. It lasted a year.
To make the story better: We work together, so there is your understanding of how difficult it is to see him move on. The break up has been alittle tough and rough around the edges, but we are getting there.
Note: It was a wonderful 1/2 relationship.... Not a full relationship bc of a few things.... Distance, work (shh... secret!), family, oh and the age thing..... I know what you are thinking. How can that be a wonderful relationship? Well, it was just nice to be wanted by someone, ok? Well we finally ended it in September, however, that hasn't worked well either. Now it is finally over, because there is no point anymore! I'm not bitter, nor hurt. Let's get that straight. I'm fine other than being lonely. As you can read in the last post, he has moved on and I haven't. Why? I don't have a clue. My emotional side says I "need" someone, but logic tells me otherwise.......
There's the scoop! Now you know.....
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Ok I'll fess up!!
I'm gonna admit it! I'm alone! I feel alone! Sometimes alittle more alone than I would like to be. What do I do? NOTHING!! You'd think with two kids and a full time job that I wouldn't feel alone, well you are WRONG!! This isn't really meant for you to feel sorry for me, but it's just what is on my mind at the moment.
I had lunch today with the "wonderful" (a little sarcasm for those who love it) ex-boyfriend and I have to say that it went well. It was much different than dinners we use to have, of course. Apart of me is happy for him that he has moved on and that our break up doesn't bother him, however, majority of me wants to cry. I'm not upset anymore at the fact that we are over, but at the fact that I feel lonely. He doesn't, now and me being the woman that I am, is a little jealious. Not of her, because he will have issues with her too I imagine, but of him. I'm jealious that I can't have "someone" (not that I need anyone) to take my mind off things, or to fill some of the void of having absolutely no one.
Maybe I'm just rambling on but this is whats in my head and it's been in there for a few days now and I had to let it out! YAY! Ok I'm done......
I had lunch today with the "wonderful" (a little sarcasm for those who love it) ex-boyfriend and I have to say that it went well. It was much different than dinners we use to have, of course. Apart of me is happy for him that he has moved on and that our break up doesn't bother him, however, majority of me wants to cry. I'm not upset anymore at the fact that we are over, but at the fact that I feel lonely. He doesn't, now and me being the woman that I am, is a little jealious. Not of her, because he will have issues with her too I imagine, but of him. I'm jealious that I can't have "someone" (not that I need anyone) to take my mind off things, or to fill some of the void of having absolutely no one.
Maybe I'm just rambling on but this is whats in my head and it's been in there for a few days now and I had to let it out! YAY! Ok I'm done......
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Updates......
Ok well there isn't much to update, but I will give you something to read...
Our New Year has begun with some rocky starts......
I have decided to not move to the Birmingham area because, frankly, I'm scare out of my mind! LOL! I don't want to be down here by myself with two kids if something ever was to happen. Currently, I'm driving everyday back and forth.... NO! It's not as bad as everyone makes it out to be. In fact I kinda enjoy that time to myself. I am ,however, gonna let the Lord lead my path. If he wants me to take a different path, then he will come through for me. That's all I really have to say about that.
McKinley started her horse riding lessons and from what I hear, she is doing better than most adults in the group. That's my girl!!
Amberly, well, she is being Amberly. She is the child that I always said I was NEVER gonna have..... LOL! "Never say Never", Right? No, she's hilarious, but very daring. She really loves getting her way thanks to acouple of people in our lives.... Not gonna mention any names here.
I am truly blessed beyond words! Hope all of you are having a fantastic 2008 so far. May God bless you and keep you!
Our New Year has begun with some rocky starts......
I have decided to not move to the Birmingham area because, frankly, I'm scare out of my mind! LOL! I don't want to be down here by myself with two kids if something ever was to happen. Currently, I'm driving everyday back and forth.... NO! It's not as bad as everyone makes it out to be. In fact I kinda enjoy that time to myself. I am ,however, gonna let the Lord lead my path. If he wants me to take a different path, then he will come through for me. That's all I really have to say about that.
McKinley started her horse riding lessons and from what I hear, she is doing better than most adults in the group. That's my girl!!
Amberly, well, she is being Amberly. She is the child that I always said I was NEVER gonna have..... LOL! "Never say Never", Right? No, she's hilarious, but very daring. She really loves getting her way thanks to acouple of people in our lives.... Not gonna mention any names here.
I am truly blessed beyond words! Hope all of you are having a fantastic 2008 so far. May God bless you and keep you!
Monday, January 7, 2008
It's Official!
I'm have entered into the statistics of divorcees... Yep, today was the day. I know that it was the right decision for me so I am very happy about it. I can't say that I am at all happy that the marriage failed, but I'm happy that my life will go on and that someone out there will love me the way I deserve!
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Days 1 and 2
Ok so yesterday was the very first day of my new job at the Pelham office. Today was the second day. I have come to realize I absolutely LOVE my job!!! God has blessed me and so I just wanted to share that with all of you! I will keep you posted on how the job is going!
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
2008 is here! I pray that is a WONDEFUL year for all of you! May it be blessed and happy! HAPPY NEW YEAR! Love, Bonita
Constants
How do you know when people care? I'd like to think that when someone cares about you, they choose a constant in your life. Either they choose to be in your life on a CONSTANT basis or they choose the constant of never being there. I know you are asking yourself about that last constant of never being there.... Listen to what I have to say: The constant of being gone, here is when someone cares to the extent of knowing they are not a good constant IN your life. So they choose to leave and never come back.Then you are blessed with the ones who care so much they choose to be a constant in your life. Those are the ones who are there when you need them and never dissappear.
When someone chooses to leave and never return, it may hurt for the ones involve. However, it ends to be the better of the two choices. Wouldn't you think? You have to give credit where credit is due to those people. That has to be a hard choice to make, but because they care so much they do it anyways. That is unselfishness!
Now, what happens to those people who have picked the constant magic trick of being here one minute only to be gone the next. Yet again, you turn around and they are there only to be gone again.... Can it be that these people care about you? I'm really not sure. For my optimistic side, I would love to say that they do, however, it seems as though they are selfish and only care about themselves. They only pretend to "care" when they want or need something from you. So what do you do with them? Do you pick the constant of letting them in time after time? I don't believe so. I believe you have to ask yourself one question with these kinds of constants: How hurt am I when they come and go? Yes, this is a selfish act, but trust me! At some point in time you have to use your head and save yourself from the hurt and mental discouragment. You have to inorder to be a constant for someone else. If their coming and going doesn't bother you, then I believe that you have to choose to be a constant in their life and show them that YOU do care. If it seems to hurt you more, then you need to make a constant decision to love them, but with distance. It's ok to love them and be there for them, but at some point you have to choose a constant for them to be in your life. Pray for them. Love them. Help them. However, do it with clear mind and be focused. Don't give them what they WANT, but what they NEED. Say for instance, that you have a friend that supposely cares, but only comes around when they need money. Don't give them the money. You are not helping them at all. Instead, offer to carry them to dinner or small things like that. At that point, they choose their constant. Either they see love, or they get mad. If you have someone in your life who uses you, you must choose to carry on with your life without them. It's sad to say, but there are people out there who DO NOT care. Those people, you just have to choose the distant LOVE.
For your mental and spiritual health, love those with a distance.
When someone chooses to leave and never return, it may hurt for the ones involve. However, it ends to be the better of the two choices. Wouldn't you think? You have to give credit where credit is due to those people. That has to be a hard choice to make, but because they care so much they do it anyways. That is unselfishness!
Now, what happens to those people who have picked the constant magic trick of being here one minute only to be gone the next. Yet again, you turn around and they are there only to be gone again.... Can it be that these people care about you? I'm really not sure. For my optimistic side, I would love to say that they do, however, it seems as though they are selfish and only care about themselves. They only pretend to "care" when they want or need something from you. So what do you do with them? Do you pick the constant of letting them in time after time? I don't believe so. I believe you have to ask yourself one question with these kinds of constants: How hurt am I when they come and go? Yes, this is a selfish act, but trust me! At some point in time you have to use your head and save yourself from the hurt and mental discouragment. You have to inorder to be a constant for someone else. If their coming and going doesn't bother you, then I believe that you have to choose to be a constant in their life and show them that YOU do care. If it seems to hurt you more, then you need to make a constant decision to love them, but with distance. It's ok to love them and be there for them, but at some point you have to choose a constant for them to be in your life. Pray for them. Love them. Help them. However, do it with clear mind and be focused. Don't give them what they WANT, but what they NEED. Say for instance, that you have a friend that supposely cares, but only comes around when they need money. Don't give them the money. You are not helping them at all. Instead, offer to carry them to dinner or small things like that. At that point, they choose their constant. Either they see love, or they get mad. If you have someone in your life who uses you, you must choose to carry on with your life without them. It's sad to say, but there are people out there who DO NOT care. Those people, you just have to choose the distant LOVE.
For your mental and spiritual health, love those with a distance.
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